Deplotment Cycle

Pre-Deployment
Timeframe: From warning of deployment through departure

Hallmarks: During this time, spouses often find themselves in denial and grieving the impending loss of time together; many struggle with fear of never seeing their service member again. Most service members withdraw emotionally and/or physically as they prepare for battle, though bonding with comrades increases. Some wives also detach, but many more become emotionally needy.

Couples aim to make the most of their time together. If a holiday or special occasion occurs during this cycle, couples tend to go "all-out," making the event memorable and recording it with photos and video. Due to high stress levels, couples tend to be more argumentative, and one serious argument is common during this phase. Newlyweds may see this argument as dangerously abnormal and "catastrophic," and may subsequently worry about the stability of their relationship.

Deployment
Timeframe: Departure through entire first month of deployment

Hallmarks: Spouses left at home feel helplessly trapped on an emotional rollercoaster. Feelings vary widely, ranging from relief that the tense, painful moment of goodbye is over; fear for personal safety and the safety of their service member; excitement at the thought of conquering personal goals during deployment; anger at their spouse for leaving; and hopelessness when looking at the daunting, lonely days ahead.

Sustainment
Timeframe: Second month through second-to-the-last month of deployment

Hallmarks: Spouses left at home find stability and confidence as they tackle difficult tasks alone and discover new hobbies and support groups. Spouses become more comfortable in their "temporary independence" and accustomed to the nuances of living alone.

Redeployment
Timeframe: Final month of deployment through homecoming

Hallmarks: Spouses left at home once again find themselves on an emotional rollercoaster, especially as return dates fluctuate. Though the spectrum of emotions tends to be more positive, anxieties such as "Will we still get along?" or "How will we make up for lost time?" are to be anticipated. Spouses rush to complete projects they began during deployment, plan details of the homecoming and clean house.

Post-Deployment
Timeframe: Homecoming through a period that may last as long as one day for each day deployed

Hallmarks: At long last, the homecoming reunion occurs. This experience usually creates a fantastically romantic, lifelong memory followed by a honeymoon phase in the marriage. But even during this honeymoon phase, it's common for spouses to deal with awkwardness in their conversation, sex life and general relationship. Spouses will need to renegotiate logistical matters such as budgeting, routines and chores. They'll also need to reacquaint with one another.